A Tribute to My Unknown Mother

I can only imagine what panic and fear grips a young woman who realizes that she is in deep trouble, the kind of trouble that is a life-changer,  the "what will the neighbors" say kind of trouble.  This is bigger trouble than wrecking your dad's car or a bad report card.  Bigger than getting caught shoplifting that candy-bar when you where a kid and your mom makes you go confess your deed to the manager.  No, this is BIG kind of trouble. This kind of trouble that won't let you sleep at night because the questions are coming at you like a 90 mph brushoff pitch.  Questions like, "What am I going to do", "How did this happen", "What will my parents say, will they still love me", "Where will I go".  For a young woman from a small Utah town in the 60's, this kind of predicament is not allowed.  I wonder at times what she felt that first time someone she knew saw her with an unmistakable bump that is now too large to hide.  I wonder if she had someone who was nice to her and offered her an encouraging word, or just sit with her and hold her hand.  I wonder these things because I can only imagine.  But what I don't have to imagine is the fact that she loved me.  I know she loved me because I'm here.  I pay tribute to my birth mother who in spite of her own comfort, reputation and standing, sacrificed dearly so I could have life. How much easier would have been for her to quietly take care of the problem. I also can only imagine how much pain she went through in bringing me into this world only to have the much more intense pain of handing the little bundle to someone else, a stranger really, with the hope that she is doing the right thing.  She honors my with her unmeasurable sacrifice. She also sacrificed seeing me hit my first baseball, earn my first merit badge, my first date and my first child...her grandchild.  While there are lots of thing I have to imagine, you see, she also has to imagine, that was part of the deal.  I was given a gift, my gift was having two moms.  The mom I don't know but can only imagine and the mom that rocked my to sleep at night and put bandages on my knees when I fell and went to parent teacher conferences.  They both love me and I love them both.  One day in this life, or more likely the next, I will embrace my moms, thank them and tell them as I look into their eyes how much I love and respect them.

I love you mom, Happy Mothers Day.

Your son,

Rick